Just one of those crappy all around days
This has been a pretty bad day all around and it’s one of the worst I’ve felt in a while.
Second I woke up - sore throat. I left work early because I was feeling so bad but I still had a lot of work to do so I worked from home instead.
Then just bad thing after another on the work front. It’s hard to be positive when I’ve been working my butt off on a project and then learn that someone is not happy with your performance and complained. I don’t know what else you expect me to give but there is nothing left.
So I’m angry. And sick. And I have more work left to do.
My thoughts today were > I hate my fucking job so much and I’d be glad if they fired me.
Yep - never had such thought before. I mean sure, I’ve hated my job and there’s many days I wished I’d win the lottery and bounce. But this, this was real and I didn’t want to stand a single moment (!!!!!!)
So I needed to reach out, even if it is into the nether that is the Internet. Because my nose is running, my head is cloudy and my emotions are running wild and I needed to reach out to something.
Worked today and I feel like I’m teetering on the edge
between stressed and not giving a fuck.
It is a split between my desire to stay calm and my desire to do well. Because to stay calm, I don’t overwork but by not overworking, I feel like I’m faltering. I feel like I’m failing.
I don’t know which side will win but right now it’s myself and making myself happy and comfortable.
Fuck everyone else.
Too much thinking
Got home and started to think about work and now I feel wound up.
I feel like there’s things that I should have done or should do but the feeling is like - DO IT RIGHT NOW!
But then….I don’t want to. I deal with enough of that bullshit during the work week. Let me have my fucking Saturday!
(I’ll be working tomorrow - yay me and no Sunday)
Oh why must you go away
This weekend was really nice (but short) and I realized it’d been a while since I had a weekend just for me.
I left the house to get groceries and that’s it. I rediscovered the pure ecstasy that’s is lying on a bed of best linens and just cuddling with my pillows.
I wish I could have more days like this. It is definitely what I needed.